This just happened.
My wife is working. It’s just me at home with three kids and a dog, 7:30 pm on a Sunday.
My three-year-old (four next month) approaches me while I’m giving the baby (technically toddler) a bottle (technically a sippy-cup of warm milk).
He looked concerned.
It’s already 15 minutes past bedtime so I assumed he was going to come up with some excuse for not getting ready for bed.
He says “Dad, I just put a lego up my nose and I can’t get it out. It hurts but I’m okay.”
My first thought was, how could this happen?
My six-year-old is supposed to be in charge of safety when mom’s not home. Where the hell was he on this one??
Anyway, there went my chances of getting the kids to bed even remotely on time…
So I call my wife. No answer.
So I texted her:
The good news is she’ll know what to do because she’s an ER doc.
The bad news is she almost never answers her phone while she’s working…
But I called her again and she answered. Thank God.
I told her Griffy stuck a lego way up his nose and I can’t even see it.
Her voice always sounds so weird to me when she’s at work — oddly calm and professional.
“Well,” she said, in her doctor's voice, “you can try to get it out yourself or you need to bring him to me and I’ll pull it out here.”
No way I wanted to bring three kids to the ER on a Sunday night during a pandemic.
I told her I’d gave the DIY method the old college try...
The breakdown of the DIY lego removal method is as follows:
Step 1: Lay the child down on his side.
Step 2: Close the unobstructed nostril with your finger.
Step 3: Cover the child’s mouth with your mouth.
Step 4: Blow in a quick burst of air.
Step 5: Repeat if necessary.
Boom.
I must have blown in his mouth like a trumpet player because that lego shot out of his nose and across the room.
It worked.
And he was totally fine.
Disclaimer: This is a true story, but I’m not a doctor.
I’m not qualified to give out medical advice or any other kinds of advice, for that matter.
The info on this blog is for entertainment purposes only.
If your kid gets something stuck up their nose, consult an emergency medicine physician.
For maximum convenience, marry one.